Stop it. Just stop it.
The GUILT, I mean. When we put up with the devaluing because we think we deserve it.
The truth is: NO ONE DESERVES IT.
For example: There are narcissists who love to prey on married people. It’s an ego boost to go after someone who’s already committed to someone else, and then win them over.
And they do it time and time again because they have an insatiable appetite to feed their ego.
What happens in our mind as that we BELIEVE we’ve hit the jackpot. This is our true soulmate, right?
After all, they’ve told us that and we believed it because we were swept off our feet by their charm and charisma. But then reality sinks in, and the shiny new relationship turns into something else. (Let’s just say the word: Abusive.)
We put up with the temper tantrums, lying, cheating, or whatever, because we hate to admit that we got sucked in and made the wrong choice.
On some level we realize that this isn’t the person we thought they were. But here’s the crux of the matter: WE FEEL GUILTY.
We feel guilty because we left another person for them, or there’s guilt for some other reason, and the danger is that we STAY STUCK.
Stuck in a toxic relationship because we believe we deserve it. We believe that we’ve made our bed, and now we must lie in it. Well, I call B.S.!
Here we go again with not loving ourselves enough to put our foot down and call it a day.
We’re stuck in the pattern of waiting for them to idealize us all over again, so that we can feel good about ourselves.
The real danger always comes back to a lack of: SELF LOVE.
If we love ourselves enough, we let ourselves off the hook. We recognize that we made a mistake, but that it’s okay to make mistakes. IT’S HOW WE LEARN.
If we loved ourselves enough, we would treat ourselves like the best friend that we should because that’s how we survive and thrive in life.
But we can get lost in the dangerous cycle of: Idealize, Devalue, and if we stay long enough Discard, because that’s what inevitably happens with a narcissist. (Eventually they move on to the next “supply”.)
So why not leave now? Why not make the choice to move on NOW instead of waiting for them to make the decision for you and then you’ll be caught off guard?
MAKE A PLAN. Do it for yourself. Release the guilt.
Know that you’ve learned a valuable lesson and now it’s time to pick up the pieces and create a better life for yourself.
You’ve got this! It’s time to build yourself up. Pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and understand this: YOU DESERVE BETTER.
And that’s a tough lesson, but once we get it, life gets better.
And you, my dear, are worth it.